The path to healing

Therapy for sexual trauma

I offer a therapy program with 10 sessions.

In this program we get a clear picture of what has been done to you and the effects the abuse has had on your life. Then we start processing the trauma. There is no fixed path you have to follow. In each session we work with the part of you that is now ready to be healed.

The path to healing is unique for everyone

Every sexual trauma has its own unique structure. This structure arises from the relationship between you and the perpetrator, the environment in which the abuse was committed, and what the perpetrator did to you.

Was the abuse committed by a family member or friend of the family? Was the perpetrator male or female? Was it a parent, brother, sister, nephew or niece? Was it one parent or both? Did the abuse happen in your home or elsewhere? How old were you? For how long did the abuse continue? Who knew about the abuse? Where there people aware of the abuse but chose to look away?

Have you been violated by a stranger, colleague, friend or your own partner?

Have your parents and grandparents also experienced sexual abuse?

All of these factors have an impact on the trauma that arises as a consequence of the abuse.

There are a number of common issues that all survivors of abuse struggle with, such as feelings of guilt, shame and secrecy about the abuse.

However, this doesn’t take away the fact that sexual trauma is very personal and requires a personal approach.

Therapy for sexual abuse is therefore always attuned to you. To you and your needs.

Most survivors suffer in silence

Looking away, being silent and blaming the victim is our culture's way of responding to sexual abuse.

Most survivors don't talk about what was done to them. Feelings of guilt and shame are powerful barriers to confiding in someone. The abuse is kept secret.

The secret keeps the trauma alive. Unseen it lives on underneath the surface. Stored in the psyche and the body.

Recognition is the first step to healing. Recognition for what has been done to you and the wounds that have been inflicted on you. In therapy we look together at the abuse and the effects it has on your life.

The two forces

The path to healing can be challenging. This is because after sexual abuse two opposing forces arise in you. The force of repression and the force of awareness.

The force of repression wants to forget the abuse as quickly as possible and does everything in its power to look away and hide the memories. The power of awareness strives to bring the abuse to consciousness, process it, and heal.

Great tension arises between these two forces. You feel pulled back and forth. It takes courage and dedication to choose awareness and thus healing over and over again.

I would like to let you know that you are fully equipped to heal, regardless of where you are now in your life. You have it all within you. You have the strength and the courage.

Even if you don't feel it yet or if you are doubting yourself. You can trust that it’s all there. It only needs to come to the surface.

Trusting the proces

Healing follows its own laws. In every moment of your life there are parts of you that are now ready to be healed. Other parts need more time. They will stay under the surface for now.

In therapy, we trust in the healing process. In each session, the part that wants to be healed will come up by itself. This is the part we will be working with in that session.

My role as a therapist is to respond adequately to the part that wants to be healed and guide you through the healing process.

To do this, I use different methodologies, including constellations, psychodrama, talk therapy and education about psyche and body. Sometimes I will give you exercises to do at home.

Most of the methodologies I use come from Traumasexology.

Healing femininity

Sexual abuse is often accompanied by misogyny. Misogyny plays a central role in almost all male perpetrators. Sexual abuse is therefore also an attack on your womanhood.

The perpetrator blames you as a woman for the abuse. He claims that your feminine attributes (breasts, buttocks, hair, lips) seduced him. Even if you were a little girl, he told you that you tempted him, provoked him, and that you were asking for it. He also told you that you get what you deserve and that you are liking it.

Perpetrators driven by misogyny often believe that they must teach the woman a lesson. That they must put her in her place. That they need to show her what happens to women don’t submit to men.

Sexual abuse damages or completely severs the connection you have with your femininity.

It also deeply damages your relationship with men. When a man has abused you, it is almost impossible to feel trust and safety with a man again.

Healing your femininity and the connection with your womanhood therefore play an important role on the wat to healing. In therapy, we pay specific attention to this healing process.